my affection, well it comes and goes, I need direction to perfection.

Family life getting me down and my supposed boyf isn't much help at all. He's very awkward when it comes to these things, but perhaps it's because he comes from such a sheltered, happy, together family. Isn't a bad thing, just apparently makes it hard for him to understand where I am coming from, or reach out emotionally, or put in any input whatsoever. He says absolutely nothing after I confess a suppressed rant on family drama. Nothing. After a few awkward moments of silence, he managed to say "That sucks". *sigh* I need a man to protect me and love me in this stage of my life, not a boy I have to teach how to be a decent lover. Thankfully he is capable of picking up the boyf's slack...(perhaps now the poem in the post below makes more sense?)

je vous veux mais nous ne pouvons pas être ensemble.

When I see you,
I ache for your attention
Crave it like a drug
Try to hide my envy of her.
When I am with you,
I don't want you to let go
You stimulate my mind, body, and soul.
I must remember, you don't belong to me and I don't belong to you,
You have the key to my heart yet I'm forbidden to give it to you.
This constant back and fourth,
Makes my head dizzy and my heart sore.

When I see you,
I'm overwhelmed with thoughts
Sometimes I feel utter affection
Whereas other times I feel annoyance.
When I am with you,
I feel content with the world
But out of sight out of mind.
I must remember, I belong to you and you belong to me,
Reluctantly I give you the key.
This constant back and fourth,
Makes my head dizzy and my heart sore.

What to do
when there is no fine line
between right and wrong
between lust and love
when you get so caught up
you loose your perspective
you loose yourself
and you know your options,
but you can't bring yourself to think about them,
since none of them will end favorably,
so you stall for time,
continue to accept mediocrity
and suppress your passion for another,
praying the day that it all back fires never comes.

Not that it really matters, but I wrote the above poem/rant. Can you guess the scenario I'm in? lol ;)

c’est toi que je veux voir, que je veux voir ce soir.

Feeling this heart racing sort of lust that is beginning to get dangerous...I love it!

you've got to promise not to stop when I say when.

P.S. I'm on a mission to loose some excess pounds, does anyone have any tips or know of any online communities? I've been trying to find a good website that allows you to keep track of your progress, but also lets you chat with other people for motivation and what not. :) I'm not sure about my exact weight since the scale terrifies me, but it's around 140 lbs and I'm about 5'2", so eventually I'd like to get back down to 120, though I do realize it'll take some time. I also realize that healthy eating and exercise is just about all I need, I just wanted to know if any of you had any tips in making the process a tad bit easier so I'm less likely to fail.

ayez besoin de moi.

Things are improving with the boyf :)

oops I did it again.

I am beginning to feel that relationships are overrated. We're still together, but I'm not sure if I want it to keep going. He isn't putting any effort whatsoever to be remotely romantic or selfless, and honestly, I don't think I want to waste my time. I'd rather go back to being single and just flirting with everyone without care, instead of having to restrain myself so I can be devoted in a relationship that lacks spontaneity and doesn't even give me butterflies. We'll see what happens I suppose.

souhaitent sur une étoile.

Everyone seemed to be posting holiday wishlists, so I figured I would indulge myself in selfish desires. I got a tad more carried away than previously anticipated, but here are some random items that I am secretly lusting for. I don't plan on getting any of them since I haven't exactly told anyone (all I am telling my parents what I want for Christmas is for them to stop wasting money on their divorce and save up for my college tuition), but all the same it's fun to look things up online and dream of possessing them! And who knows, at this rate I'll probably add more to the list...especially seeing how I am stillprocrastinating my AP government reading.

Madame Rouge Diamante Handcuffs. (I love how Gala turned hers into an accessory!!)
trashydeluxe's filthy necklace. (I love how it looks so pretty, but close up it's slightly naughty.)
Mod Cloth Moulin Rouge Tights
Mod Cloth Corsage Socks
Madame Rouge's OhMiBod. (*blush* You have to admit, it sounds enticing!)
Tokyomade's Chocolate Bag Charm
Tokyomade's Sweet Necklace
Influence by Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
fredflare's Disney treasure chest ring
fredflare's Gemini zodiac hoops
fredflare's Disney Magic Castle pendant
paraphernalia's Wonderland White Rabbit Necklace
paraphernalia's Vetements Polka Dot Bow Necklace
Q-Pot's Eat Me and Drink Me necklaces.
Sanrio's Gemini zodiac Hello Kitty necklace
HealingHeart's Sweet Stripey Lolita Hat
Anna Lou Of London's Metallic Bow Over Body Bag
Anna Lou Of London's Patent Bow Belt
ASOS's Small Bow Ring
ASOS's Satin Bow Hairclip, Satin Corsage Wide Headband, Bow Thin Metal Headband and Double Bow Headband
ASOS's "Fairest Of Them All", Long Swallows and Cut-Out Detail, Metal Bow And Enamel Flower Double Row, Unicorn And Star Pendant and Long Rocking Horse Pendant necklaces
ASOS's "Forget Me Not", "Think Wonderful Thoughts", "Fashion Can Be Bought But Style One Must Possess" and "Truly Fabulous People Never Get Dressed Before Lunchtime" bangles
stoopidgerl's Sweet Alice, Run Alice Run, Pink Lady, Sweets Galore, I Heart Unicorns, Some Bunny Loves Cupcakes, Key To Your Heart, Pink Cuppycake, Bubble Tea, Honey Bun, Drink Me, Smitten, Pink Shroom, She Lost Her Way, Little Red Riding Hood, Hey Mr. DJ, Pretty Kitty, Strawberries and Cream Dream and Another Little Red Riding Hood necklaces

Why stop dreaming when you wake up?

It's as if I'm playing with fire.

So it took me a shorter time than I had previously assumed to get ready for my date tonight, so what better way to spend the time than by blogging? :)
My hair won't cooperate and out of all nights, this is the night my skin decides to break out. I figured it'd be better distracting myself here than picking at every detail on myself.

crush me baby i'm all ears.

It was so cold today and I was totally unprepared! I realized I don't own a pair of jeans and most of my tops are thin from the summer. Unfortunately I am still completely broke. Well, better start making my own things until I get a job!

P.S. Neon Stilettos got a mini makeover :) I want a new banner/color scheme and everything but MS Paint is slightly restricting on creating attractive images.

and in that moment i swear we were infinite.

Gemini horoscope for today:
Whatever held you back recently has changed enough that it's no longer the problem that it was. Surprisingly, the restraint may originate within you, even if it manifested externally. But try not to get lost in philosophical explorations; there's too much that must get done. Control your thoughts by controlling your actions. Eliminating non-essential activities can quickly get your day back on track. tarot.com

I'm no longer holding back. I've had the chance to get to know this boy more and I couldn't be more delighted, and without fear holding me back I feel positively coo coo for him! And I was able to control my actions of physical temptations as I simply enjoy his company and for now that is all we need. I love how these are so accurate! Not to mention that he is just full of inspiration for me. It's sweet because he doesn't mock my dreams and fantasies, but rather embraces them. How many guys let you run around Toys R Us looking at unicorn stuffed animals and listening as you ramble on about how you want a Wonderland themed tea party? And this feeling of affection, yet such freedom is liberating and exhilarating. I feel very lucky.

If everything could ever feel this real forever...

How can it feel this wrong?

Can you imagine having a closet full of pretty white dresses full of lace and tulle?

I play tough as nails with my heart on my sleeve.

Happy Thanksgiving in advanced to all my American and even non-American readers. I think it's a good time for all of us to reflect on the blessings in our lives. Sure, we all have our obstacles and difficulties, some have it worse than others, but I'm sure there is something we all can be thankful for. That something that motivates you to get up in the morning, or that goal that you strive for that gets you through your day. Be sure to stuff up on delicious foods, and perhaps take the time in helping those who aren't as fortunate as yourself. And if you're interested at all, click here to take a look at the reality of the turkey industry.

Here is a list of some of the things I am thankful for:
1. Friends. I know it's cliche, but honestly the friends I have made recently and those that I've known for so long are truly amazing support. They are genuinely good and sweet people and I don't think I could have made the progress I have made in being a better person without them.
2. Family. They have put up with a lot of crap from me, especially my sister and my father, and for that I am eternally thankful. They are compassionate and understanding and I am so grateful to have such a strong backbone in my family.
3. Music. Nothing like both your car speakers and your laptop speakers breaking that makes you realize just how powerful music truly is. I absolutely miss listening to techno in my car, or zoning out to music while working on my laptop, and it makes me grateful because music is a typical passion we all share, one that influences the soul and, if it's especially good, makes my heart race and body shake.
4. Inspiration in fantasies. It's truly a great thing to be inspired, and better to have such a broad motivational topic that I feel I can never run out. I am deeply passionate about fantasies and find everyone’s to be quite fascinating, my own to be my most favorite, of course. Whether it be pretending you are a fairy tale princess or perhaps just envisioning yourself in your dream career. It's so important to dream, to believe, and then in turn, to accomplish. It's something that has helped me get out of the rut in my life and be able to look forward in my life with anticipation and excitement, not to mention motivation to begin my adventures now rather than wait for it to come to me.
5. Life itself. I am thankful for my life. For my opportunities, for my brain, for my intelligence, for my body, for my health, for my lovers and acquaintances, for all the people that have influenced me, for the passions in my life, for all the events in my life, good or bad, that helped me learn and better myself, for my ability to have freedom and opinions, and not be persecuted for it. I am thankful for my life and I cannot wait what life has in store for me in the future.

Our shadows taller than our soul.

Inspiration has returned and I'm so excited! It's still focused around fantasy, but I can feel a new sort of rocker edge to my style. Not a total transformation, as I still want to wear my tights, skirts and heels, but instead pairing it with a band shirt and sex-tousled hair. Perhaps influenced by my latest crush? :) He definitely has an 80's rock look to him...hehe I'll write details if anything evolves, I'm still trying to restrain my excitement! Anyway, I just hope my closet can keep up...unfortunately my budget is even lower than usual as my parents' divorce is beginning to get worse. I need a job! lol

Btw; I took the picture of the cheshire cat sign in front of the Alice in Wonderland ride in Disneyland on Friday! :)

If you live to be a 100, I want to live to be a 100 minus 1 day so I never have to live without you.

Neon Stilettos has been alive and well for about six months now, and I have finally reached the 100th post marker! :) I will begin posting some more again, I have actually missed posting my weekly-or-so inspirational collages. So, welcome back NS and here's to another 100 posts! ♥

give me a love that will last forever.

Hey everyone! Sorry for not being a faithful blogger like I once was...but to be honest, life has finally begun to speed up for me. I feel like my social life has suddenly exploded and out of nowhere everyone wants to hang out with me. Not to mention weekends are being filled way in advanced, which is actually pretty rad :] I was getting kind of bored of just wasting my life in front of the TV, and just casually browsing blog pages, utterly bored and exhausted of everything and everyone. So anyway, sorry about not blogging daily, and I suppose I'm on a brief hiatus until I get the motivation to continue blogging.

someday i'll fly away.

Saying farewell would be a lie.

I'm in the recovery stage of my strep throat terror. I can manage talking and even swallowing, so I am finally able to drink water. I've lost about 15 lbs (not an exaggeration), which I know I will end up gaining back when I'm healthy, but it just sucks not being able to eat. (You may notice my subtle desires for cupcakes in the inspiration picture :P). Oh, and since I missed half of last week in school, I'm probably going to have to focus on not straying behind. *sigh* At least my health is improving...

Your softly spoken words release my whole desire.

My cold (apparently, I have a confirmed case of strep throat) is truly sucking any sort of motivation for beauty right out of me. I can hardly stand getting dressed in the morning because everything seems to have lost it's sparkle. I can even feel the loss of bounce in my step. Rather than spending my day dreaming of dressing up and attending Wonderland, I feel an incessant need to search for someone to sit and let me lay my head in their lap, so I can be reassured of something. I don't even know what, but I want a sort of reassurance? Perhaps just a friend to pet my hair while I regain strength, not expecting a drawn out conversation or anything (my throat hurts too much to swallow, let alone talk), but I would enjoy the company. Notice, even in times of exhaustion and sickness, my need for attention and affection is ever more present. I'm too tired to explain myself further, but I'm sure you understand the idea.

P.S. A forced inspiration collage. I found the first picture best represented my crash of elegance, the second showed my need of acceptance and fear of loneliness, third was a delightfully strange version of a favorite tale, and the fourth was just absolutely adorable.

C'est quoi ta position favorite?

Nobody's business if I walk, talk, make love.

Sorry for the lack of posts, and I'll be sure to return comments soon! I'm just taking a break from AP Government reading (surprisingly, it is very long and incredibly annoying, despite the fact politics fascinate me).

I am been absolutely exhausted lately! No matter how much I sleep...and it's not like I do rigorous activity. Maybe it's the weather, we've had 60+ mph winds and a fire not too far away so it's been a mix of both warm and chilly air. Perhaps I'm dehydrated...I'm having such difficulty in drinking but none in eating? (Of course.) Worst of all, I feel like I've lost weight in my chest, but GAINED everywhere else. Completely shameful, really.

Chictopia♥

When things get too heavy, call me helium.

Such a shame that during this weekend it finally began to feel chilly, but it's supposed to heat back up by Monday. What a tease! I am not sure, but I believe that after days of stress and worry tossed in with the sudden change in weather, I have gotten sick. One thing for certain though, WebMD's Symptom Checker is incredible. It helped me figure out the difference between strep throat and just a common cold. Supposedly, I've managed to catch strep throat. :( I've been laying around all day, watching television programs on paranormal activity, and just trying to rest, but my throat has only gotten worse. Oh well, I'll just have to get some juice and soup soon!

P.S. I tried being clever with the daily inspirational photo by incorporating a "cold" photo, and one of a model's version of lying down "sick". :P Can you imagine looking that fabulous even while feeling under the weather?

P.S.S. I did create a few sets for fun in Polyvore if you'd like to check that out :)

*drum rolls*

I am both honored and pleased to announce that you are now looking at the blog of an OFFICIAL FIDM student! I will be starting school this July on the LA campus (and probably living there too!) and I absolutely cannot wait. The interview went perfect...but I am positively drained and will probably go to bed early for once in celebration. Unfortunately I was so busy with preparation that I completely forgot to take an outfit photo. :( I'm sure you will forgive me though hehe. Good night!

Do not speak as loud as my heart.

My FIDM interview is drawing nearer (Thursday) and I couldn't be more terrified. If I don't get accepted...I basically have no other plan. I can't imagine doing anything else. Fashion design is my life, I have to get in. There will be so many opportunities...not to mention unlimited access to materials which I so direly need. I don't even know what to wear for it! Nervous nervous nervous.

Chictopia♥

There's diamonds and pearls in your hair.

Monday has come and gone...is it the weekend yet?
Chictopia♥

Today's Inspiration

Hey everyone. This weekend will be unbelievably busy. Not only must I study for an upcoming AP Government test (not to mention the billion of assignments that comes with it), but I have to get my FIDM application project together, balance my social obligations, catch up on fashion week...and more, but my priorities are whacked, and those are the only ones that come to mind, and my list is in another room. :P
Anyway, sorry for the rant, I hope you all have a fabulous weekend, see you Monday! ;)

P.S. Last chance to trade links~

P.S.S. Don't forget to visit Chictopia! ♥

P.S.S.S. Horoscopes can be so accurate, it's creepy! Here's today's for Geminis:
"It's hard to tell whether your life is getting simpler or more complicated. You have been able to create a lifestyle that allows you time enough for fun, but now things seem to be changing. Go ahead and grab an opportunity to play while you still can, for your job may not afford you so much free time during the coming weeks."
It's like, I have plans to "play" tomorrow, and I know that soon I won't be able to because I have so much studying to do! Ahhh, I love astrology! :P

P.S.S.S.S. Ok, last thing, I promise! xD I just found this list about "how to be successful". It's really great!