my affection, well it comes and goes, I need direction to perfection.

Family life getting me down and my supposed boyf isn't much help at all. He's very awkward when it comes to these things, but perhaps it's because he comes from such a sheltered, happy, together family. Isn't a bad thing, just apparently makes it hard for him to understand where I am coming from, or reach out emotionally, or put in any input whatsoever. He says absolutely nothing after I confess a suppressed rant on family drama. Nothing. After a few awkward moments of silence, he managed to say "That sucks". *sigh* I need a man to protect me and love me in this stage of my life, not a boy I have to teach how to be a decent lover. Thankfully he is capable of picking up the boyf's slack...(perhaps now the poem in the post below makes more sense?)

je vous veux mais nous ne pouvons pas être ensemble.

When I see you,
I ache for your attention
Crave it like a drug
Try to hide my envy of her.
When I am with you,
I don't want you to let go
You stimulate my mind, body, and soul.
I must remember, you don't belong to me and I don't belong to you,
You have the key to my heart yet I'm forbidden to give it to you.
This constant back and fourth,
Makes my head dizzy and my heart sore.

When I see you,
I'm overwhelmed with thoughts
Sometimes I feel utter affection
Whereas other times I feel annoyance.
When I am with you,
I feel content with the world
But out of sight out of mind.
I must remember, I belong to you and you belong to me,
Reluctantly I give you the key.
This constant back and fourth,
Makes my head dizzy and my heart sore.

What to do
when there is no fine line
between right and wrong
between lust and love
when you get so caught up
you loose your perspective
you loose yourself
and you know your options,
but you can't bring yourself to think about them,
since none of them will end favorably,
so you stall for time,
continue to accept mediocrity
and suppress your passion for another,
praying the day that it all back fires never comes.

Not that it really matters, but I wrote the above poem/rant. Can you guess the scenario I'm in? lol ;)

c’est toi que je veux voir, que je veux voir ce soir.

Feeling this heart racing sort of lust that is beginning to get dangerous...I love it!

you've got to promise not to stop when I say when.

P.S. I'm on a mission to loose some excess pounds, does anyone have any tips or know of any online communities? I've been trying to find a good website that allows you to keep track of your progress, but also lets you chat with other people for motivation and what not. :) I'm not sure about my exact weight since the scale terrifies me, but it's around 140 lbs and I'm about 5'2", so eventually I'd like to get back down to 120, though I do realize it'll take some time. I also realize that healthy eating and exercise is just about all I need, I just wanted to know if any of you had any tips in making the process a tad bit easier so I'm less likely to fail.

ayez besoin de moi.

Things are improving with the boyf :)

oops I did it again.

I am beginning to feel that relationships are overrated. We're still together, but I'm not sure if I want it to keep going. He isn't putting any effort whatsoever to be remotely romantic or selfless, and honestly, I don't think I want to waste my time. I'd rather go back to being single and just flirting with everyone without care, instead of having to restrain myself so I can be devoted in a relationship that lacks spontaneity and doesn't even give me butterflies. We'll see what happens I suppose.

souhaitent sur une étoile.

Everyone seemed to be posting holiday wishlists, so I figured I would indulge myself in selfish desires. I got a tad more carried away than previously anticipated, but here are some random items that I am secretly lusting for. I don't plan on getting any of them since I haven't exactly told anyone (all I am telling my parents what I want for Christmas is for them to stop wasting money on their divorce and save up for my college tuition), but all the same it's fun to look things up online and dream of possessing them! And who knows, at this rate I'll probably add more to the list...especially seeing how I am stillprocrastinating my AP government reading.

Madame Rouge Diamante Handcuffs. (I love how Gala turned hers into an accessory!!)
trashydeluxe's filthy necklace. (I love how it looks so pretty, but close up it's slightly naughty.)
Mod Cloth Moulin Rouge Tights
Mod Cloth Corsage Socks
Madame Rouge's OhMiBod. (*blush* You have to admit, it sounds enticing!)
Tokyomade's Chocolate Bag Charm
Tokyomade's Sweet Necklace
Influence by Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
fredflare's Disney treasure chest ring
fredflare's Gemini zodiac hoops
fredflare's Disney Magic Castle pendant
paraphernalia's Wonderland White Rabbit Necklace
paraphernalia's Vetements Polka Dot Bow Necklace
Q-Pot's Eat Me and Drink Me necklaces.
Sanrio's Gemini zodiac Hello Kitty necklace
HealingHeart's Sweet Stripey Lolita Hat
Anna Lou Of London's Metallic Bow Over Body Bag
Anna Lou Of London's Patent Bow Belt
ASOS's Small Bow Ring
ASOS's Satin Bow Hairclip, Satin Corsage Wide Headband, Bow Thin Metal Headband and Double Bow Headband
ASOS's "Fairest Of Them All", Long Swallows and Cut-Out Detail, Metal Bow And Enamel Flower Double Row, Unicorn And Star Pendant and Long Rocking Horse Pendant necklaces
ASOS's "Forget Me Not", "Think Wonderful Thoughts", "Fashion Can Be Bought But Style One Must Possess" and "Truly Fabulous People Never Get Dressed Before Lunchtime" bangles
stoopidgerl's Sweet Alice, Run Alice Run, Pink Lady, Sweets Galore, I Heart Unicorns, Some Bunny Loves Cupcakes, Key To Your Heart, Pink Cuppycake, Bubble Tea, Honey Bun, Drink Me, Smitten, Pink Shroom, She Lost Her Way, Little Red Riding Hood, Hey Mr. DJ, Pretty Kitty, Strawberries and Cream Dream and Another Little Red Riding Hood necklaces

Why stop dreaming when you wake up?

It's as if I'm playing with fire.

So it took me a shorter time than I had previously assumed to get ready for my date tonight, so what better way to spend the time than by blogging? :)
My hair won't cooperate and out of all nights, this is the night my skin decides to break out. I figured it'd be better distracting myself here than picking at every detail on myself.

crush me baby i'm all ears.

It was so cold today and I was totally unprepared! I realized I don't own a pair of jeans and most of my tops are thin from the summer. Unfortunately I am still completely broke. Well, better start making my own things until I get a job!

P.S. Neon Stilettos got a mini makeover :) I want a new banner/color scheme and everything but MS Paint is slightly restricting on creating attractive images.